Sometimes...

How hard could it be? You asked the same of me so you must know how this feels.
Why is it so important?

Why?

...............................................................................................

KAMI

And so I wrote an entry yesterday, but it was so depressing that I decided to just close my PC and go out instead. I like going out alone occasionally, so what if I'm a loner sometimes...

So I went to Pyramid and decided that a movie might help cheer me up. Then I remembered that KAMI The Movie starts playing at the cinema first day of raya! I immedietely decided that I'm gonna watch it, cos, I was looking forward to it, and, well, I barely know anyone who'd be happy in watching it with me, haha (c'mon people, support the local industry!)

I'll admit, I have not been watching the TV series much, in fact, I think I watched it like once, but I really liked it that one time I watched it, and I'm always up for checking out a Malaysian made movie that looks different. So I went in and watched it.

And I loved it!

I'm not gonna go on and write a short summary, but, if you've got the time and chance, go check it out! I'm happy to see that our movies are getting better and so is our music industry :-)

Politics, Racism and all that bullshit aside, I love this country!

My hari raya has been pretty good as well, I'm having a good time (and alot of good food!)

Although I'm a little late, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to everyone! To everyone who I've done something wrong to, or who hates me (namely everyone on my previous list...), please forgive me... sempena Aidilfitri ini, ku pohon maaf zahir dan batin.

Take care and have a nice day.

And Tomorrow

And Tomorrow

Today is filled with anger
Fueled with hidden hate
Scared of being outcast
Afraid of common fate
Today is built on tragedies
Which no one wants to face
Nightmares to humanities
And morally disgraced
Tonight is filled with rage
Violence in the air
Children bred with ruthlessness
Because no one at home cares
Tonight I lay my head down
But the pressure never stops
Gnawing at my sanity
Content when I am dropped
But tomorrow I see change
A chance to build anew
Built on spirit, intent of heart
And ideals based on truth
And tomorrow I wake with second wind
And strong because of pride
To know I fought with all my heart
To keep my dreams alive

-Tupac Amaru Shakur-

That's one of his poems fom The Rose That Grew From Concrete, lots of good ones in there but this is one of my favourites.
I just realized today that he died 12 days, 12 years ago. Makes me wonder sometimes what would happen if he was still around. Would he still be successful? It's a whole lot of pressure coming out with good new material all the time, not to mention people's taste keep on changing. But then again, if he's still around, Kanye would probably be producing some of his songs! Hip Hop just evolves that way, haha.

Whatever it is, he's part of the reason why lyrics is very important to me, and with the love I have for poetry right now, I must say, I've been inspired.

Take care and have a nice day.

People Who Hate Me

And so I still dunno who hijacked my Facebook... oh well, whatever, I got a new one.
It was hell adding all my friends and re-tagging all the photos, but it's all over now thankfully.

This whole thing got me thinking though... who the hell hates me so much?

Lemme see if I can try and list down everyone who would potentially hate me:-

My ex-gf's ex-bf - He hates me alot cos she cheated on him with me
The dude who conned me (see my first post) - He shouldn't hate me too much, it's his fault
The other party members from the elections - Don't really think they hate me, it's just elections
Sha - Not sure what happened but I just wanted what's best for her... Shit happens I guess
Liz - Another misunderstanding. If only she was nice to me about the trip...
Sha's bf - This dude probably hates me alot, I'm sure he means well, just don't refuse to take care of your gf and tell her she's embarassing you when she's drunk and puking all over, that's really the only problem I have with you man.
Lasha - Was my useless group member from college who didn't do anything, so I was quite mean to him... Don't think he even cares about it anymore.
Last year's ball committee - I complained about last year's ball in front of the cafeteria. It's their own fault though, stupid timing and bad organization
My ex-gf - I sorta shared my opinion about her with other people, she didn't like that very much
HMV in Shibuya, Tokyo - We had a little misunderstanding.
Lach - Once again, a misunderstanding, but I guess the fight was long overdue. People have feelings man, can't just say what you want!
My assignment group members - I've been so busy with the elections, I'm sorry guys...
The dude who started "the blog" - Still have no idea who you are
The dude who hijacked my Facebook - No idea as well

That's all I was able to come up with... Beyond that I wouldn't know, do tell me...
Maybe I'm just too direct sometimes or maybe it's my excessive cursing... I dunno...
Oh well, I guess we can't always make everyone happy. That's why I like gamers, or rather, Magic players, they tend to have a good sense of humour. I don't have to say "I was just kidding man" every time I tell a sensitive joke, they just get it.

Well, if there's anyone reading this who hates me, lemme know if you wanna chat, I'm sure we can talk it out, I think I'm too old for stupid fights...

Take care and have a nice day!

Identity Theft

Yesterday some dude got into my Facebook account and changed the email address, so I can't log into my Facebook anymore. He even made a new email address that's similar to mine but with the number "123" at the back just for that purpose. Also, for some weird reason, he changed my name to "Made Mal"... like what the fuck is Made Mal? I figured Mal is probably cos of my name, but, again, what the fuck is Made Mal?

I logged into Kel's account to check out what he's done, and I find him playing Poker with MY chips, so I joined the room. He was basically throwing my 6.5 Million by doing shit like going all in with 2 Million pre-flop with off-suit 2 and 3... Still, I didn't care, I started chatting with him
This post is bloody long cos of the chat logs so bear with me.

Here's the conversation (I am Kel because it's not my account)

[Kel]: made mal
[Kel]: who are you?
[Kel]: why did you steal my account?
[Kel]: if it's for my hold 'em chips, you can just take them all, just give me back my account
[Kel]: you can throw away all the chips like you just did, i don't care, just give me back my account
[Kel]: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGH
[Made Mal]: ok man ]
[Made Mal]: but u have to pay
[Kel]: how much?
[Made Mal]: ill send u message
[Kel]: who are you?
[Kel]: what did i ever did to you?
[Made Mal]: u did somthing... i will remind u
[Made Mal]: but later
[Kel]: what did i do?
[Kel]: is it because of the elections?
[Made Mal]: i said i will tell u later
[Kel]: who are you?
[Made Mal]: far friend
[Made Mal]: ;)
[Kel]: do i really deserve this?
[Kel]: what do you get from taking my facebook account and playing poker...
[Kel]: what does made mean anyway?
[Kel]: give me a call when you want to talk
[Kel]: i'm sure you have my number
[Made Mal]: yes u are right
[Kel]: oh well, just call me
[Made Mal]: no i wont call
[Made Mal]: how much u buy ur account ?
[Kel]: what do u mean?
[Made Mal]: how much you pay ?
[Kel]: how do i see you?

*at this point he left the table and entered another,I followed him*

[Kel]: made, so you are just trying to finish my chips?
[Kel]: how are you going to contact me?
[Made Mal]: yes wy ?
[Made Mal]: u care about ur chips or ur account?
[Kel]: it doesnt matter, just wondering why
[Kel]: because you must really hate me to go through all this trouble
[Made Mal]: do u really want me to give u back ur account ?
[Kel]: yea
[Made Mal]: ok look
[Made Mal]: do u pay 1000$??
[Kel]: i just dont know if you are going to
[Kel]: where do i meet you
[Made Mal]: add me on msn
[Made Mal]: v.i.pee@hotmail.com
[Kel]: r u online?
[Kel]: where r u?

*at this point he left the room and I added him on msn*

Sticky Icky says: why are you doing this to me?
Sticky Icky says: what did i do that was so bad?
life is a bitch.. says: look man
life is a bitch.. says: some friend of u
life is a bitch.. says: paied me to do this
life is a bitch.. says: i dont know u
life is a bitch.. says: im far away from u ?
life is a bitch.. says: even i dont know where u are from
life is a bitch.. says: i met him on yahoo chatrooms
Sticky Icky says: i asked you earlier what i did, you said you'll remind me later
life is a bitch.. says: yes coz he told me to say that
Sticky Icky says: what does he get from doing this?
life is a bitch.. says: i dont know
life is a bitch.. says: he paied me 600$
life is a bitch.. says: man im form lebanon
Sticky Icky says: how did he pay you?
life is a bitch.. says: ill do whatever to who pays me
life is a bitch.. says: western union
Sticky Icky says: who's the guy?
life is a bitch.. says: he asked me to make ur account be disabled
life is a bitch.. says: im sorry man
life is a bitch.. says: i dont talk about my customers
Sticky Icky says: i thought u said you'll do anything if you get paid
life is a bitch.. says: aha
life is a bitch.. says: how much u gonna pay ?
life is a bitch.. says: now... becam a cutomer
Sticky Icky says: so you're willing to tell me who it is?
life is a bitch.. says: yes sure
life is a bitch.. says: when ill got the money
Sticky Icky says: so, i pay you and you dissapear... you know that thats not right
life is a bitch.. says: look
Sticky Icky says: i dont mind paying you if you can assure me ull tell me
life is a bitch.. says: that guy paid me firt
life is a bitch.. says: b4 i got ur account
Sticky Icky says: how did you get into my account?
life is a bitch.. says: lol
life is a bitch.. says: it not ur business
life is a bitch.. says: that's my job
Sticky Icky says: of course its my business
Sticky Icky says: how do i even know that you really hacked in
life is a bitch.. says: im in
life is a bitch.. says: ur account
Sticky Icky says: you probably just guessed my password
life is a bitch.. says: hahahahahahaha
life is a bitch.. says: no man
life is a bitch.. says: anyway
life is a bitch.. says: i dont have much time to lose
life is a bitch.. says: i have to leave soon
life is a bitch.. says: if u wanna make a deal..
life is a bitch.. says: lets do it
Sticky Icky says: how much you expect?
life is a bitch.. says: 600 $
life is a bitch.. says: coz he want to pay 400$ after disableing account
Sticky Icky says: i thought u said he paid first before u did it?
life is a bitch.. says: there is 2 deals
life is a bitch.. says: the account deal
life is a bitch.. says: nd the disabling deal
life is a bitch.. says: 600$ for stealing and 400$ for disabling
life is a bitch.. says: that why i told u at first u have to pay 1000

I tried my best to make him talk, when he didn't, I went to start a new account and re-add all my friends before he deletes my old account (cos I needed to see the old account's friends list and add one by one from there). Being the bitch that Facebook sometimes is, I had to type the random words crap for verification EVERY TIME I added someone

THE FUCK does my life have to be filled with so much drama? First the blog, then the elections, now this? Seriously, all you haters, leave me the fuck alone!

Times like these...

And so I lost. I suck.

Am I bitter? I guess I should be, but now that it's over, I find myself surprisingly calm and at peace.

I didn't tell anyone, but that day when Crossing Boundaries performed "Times Like These" acoustic, I thought to myself, "damn I miss music".

It's times like these you learn to live again
It's times like these you give and give again
It's times like these you learn to love again
It's times like these time and time again

It's not like I haven't been listening to any music since the elections, it's just that it was a much much much much much bigger part of me before. I dreamed of being a performer, wanted to be a DJ, I found pleasure in writing my own songs, I breathed music and spoke lyrics...
This whole thing has made me uptight, and I didn't even know what I was doing it for, all I knew was that I wanted to win.

Kel said that I lost my focus, and she was right.

I wanted so much to lead to make everything better, I wanted next year to be the best year for Monash with every event being top notch for the first time. I wanted to make Monash cool... hahahahahahaha

Upon finding out that I lost, I was pretty upset at first, but I slowly started to feel a sense of freedom. "I don't have to do anything for anyone anymore!" I started looking at the bright side and all the things I can do instead. I can play more Magic, listen to more music, play more pool, and the best part of it all, I get to spend more time with Kel!

At this point, I am alright with losing, at this point, I am calm, I don't mind anymore, I am a good loser. Everything is good, and I'm feeling good.

But if I ever find out who's responsible for the blog, that motherfucker is dead.

Take care and have a nice day! :-)

Icky For President?

And so the elections are finally here... and some people have chosen to ruin it for me...

I've wanted to run for MUSA since I first knew about it in 2006, it was all so exciting for me, campaigning and all, just like the movies! I love the thought of being able to oganize things in a bigger scale for the university, I guess it's just my kind of thing.
I didn't know much people back then, neither did I know how to even run in the elections.
Fast forward 2 years later, and here I am, finally running for President, and this happens.

To be honest, the blog hasn't affected me as much as it should have, perhaps because part of me just don't really care. It's probably the ego. But I guess, it kinda bugs me not knowing who started it or what is it that filled them with so much hatred. I know, I know, I get it, something always happens when elections come close, but now I am getting a bad name for things that I didn't do or not involved in.

Oh well, whatever, I'm still gonna win. I'm just gonna.

At least I won US$500 in Manila! 31st place :-) Definitely makes up for my super crap performance in Nationals... *sigh*

Take care and have a nice day.